Love xD

Love is a mysterious thing..it's an abstract and yet creates a powerful impact on our life. What does love means? What does it means to be in love? How do we know if it's true or just another trick played by the mind? These seems to be like a simple question but sometimes it's the simplest question that can be the most difficult to answer. Love--> it's sounds so easy/simple but yet so complicated and deep. There's a lot of answer to these and it depends on how a person defines it. Generally love means a strong feeling of affection/interest over something/someone. IMO, I think love is being able to fully care and show concern over something/someone. It's generous as it makes you give without expecting anything back. You just want them to be happy and their happiness is what really matters to u. Love doesn't mean that you have to find a perfect person or try to change someone to suit you. If you really love someone, you will be able to accept them for who they are-the way they act,the way they think,their strengths and weaknesses. It's not about finding a perfect person. It's about turning that imperfection into perfection and something beautiful. Everything about that person is just great! You know that you are in love with someone when you are really attracted to that person. You are comfortable talking with them and being with them makes your heart beats faster. It feels as if time passes by so fast when you are with that person and there's not even a single boring moment around them. When you are around them, other thing doesn't really matter..all you see is her/him! You had do anything just to make them happy and seeing them smile/laugh makes u happy while seeing them sad hurts u. You care about them so much that you try to find out what happened to them. You think about them every single day and even if for some reason you try to ignore/avoid them,no matter how hard you try that person will still appear in your mind. And as if it's going against the law of nature,the more you try to go away,the more you will find yourself unexpectedly end up being with him/her in unexplained situations/unforeseen circumstances. It's like when love really exist between two person, no matter which direction you go, both forces will still collide with one another in the end. When you are feeling depressed, thinking about them makes you feel better. You want to be by their side. You want to spend your day with them. You want to do something and go to special places with them. You feel good about sharing your past experience and pain with them in hoping that they are able to understand you better. You want to protect them in every way possible. You think about your future with that someone. And when you feel so alone in this world, the person that popped into your head is him/her..someone who you truly care of and cares about u! I believe when you truly love someone, there's no such thing as love issues as they are only excuses to leave the relationship. If you truly love someone, know that love is all around you. You just have to feel and seek it. Love is also about tolerance and respect. You don't force someone to something that they dislike by using the power of love against them! You don't abuse and question about their love towards you as that's just selfish of you. And no matter how much that person hurts you, you still love them with all your heart. That's just how beautiful love is. If you really care about someone, you really care about them from the bottom of your heart. You will do anything just to see the smile on their face and if you can take away all their pain,you will do so. It will be all about that person and not you. Sometimes it hurts you thinking that you might end up hurt that person in the future to the point where you are scared. You are scared that you are not enough for her. That a great girl/guy like her/him deserve someone better than you. You don't wanna hurt that person to the point where you rather be hurt alone than her and being hurt emotionally is harder than being hurt physically trying to protect her. Physical pain to the body is just temporary. You can endure it and it heals with the passing of time. Emotionally hurt is different. No matter how long time passes by, the pain will always be there. So you had rather be hurt than her...even if it means making that person to slowly drift away from you. It hurts seeing her going further and further from you. I believe that love comes in a package which are joy and hurt. That's what love means to me...at least what I think. If you found someone who would do these to you or cares about u so much, please hold on to that person...don't ever let go!

Weird People! xD

Well, I for one is one of those weird people! I got used to others calling me a weirdo. These are there words that I kept hearing:'Eddy,why are u being so weird?','Eddy,you must be out of your mind!','Eddy,what the hell are you thinking?','Eddy,stop doing crazy things!','Eddy,why cant you be normal?' and more. LOL. However, I don't care or mind. I don't wanna let someone tell me what should I be or how i should act/think! I know myself and I wanna be myself. I don't wanna fake myself around others by trying to be someone Im not. I don't wanna wear a 'MASK' when I hang out with people..I rather be true to myself and be accepted for who I am! I don't want people to judge me by the way I act/think but judge me from my sincere heart cause it's a damn big mistake to judge a book by its cover! Coz if you do, you might not know what you are missing! Anyway, why is this happening? What's with the 'weird' perception on someone? The answer is easy! It's because of the society we lived in. Let me rephrased the words that someone wise said to me and I agreed/think the same too. Here it goes: When a person behaves in the exact same way the society does, that person will be easily accepted into the society and becoming a part of them! However,if a person behaves differently from the society, he/she will be categorized as 'weird/crazy' and the society will find it difficult to accept them for who they are. It's all about perception! That's just shows us how the society system works! I believe when 2 weird people collides, they will become soul partners. In conclusion, don't be afraid to be who you are. Always be true to yourself and those who sees the beauty in you are the ones who really deserve to be in your life! Let me end this post with my favourite quotes by Marilyn Monroe: "Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring" and "We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle"! ^^

Coping with breakups!

Breakups are hard and painful. Memories of the person you loved will never go away. That person will always stay in your heart and mind. No matter where you go,what you do and what you see, it all reminded you of that special someone. It's like you become half empty..the other half of you is gone! It's depressing. It hurts badly. You kept think of that person. You can somehow still feel that that person is still right there with you. No matter how hurt you are, you find yourself still in love with that person! Im not sure how others felt but these were what I felt and Im pretty sure the same goes to everyone. It took me months to cope with the breakup..with all the tears and emo-ing moments going on. Hahaha. I was so alone and emo that I started to talk to myself as if there's two of me! My heart VS my mind! LOL. My mind can't stand the sight of my heart being so down and emo and said these words to the heart "You pathetic idiot! Why are you torturing yourself over someone who doesn't give a shit about u? Why do u keep letting me shedding tears for someone who's long gone? It is worth it? It's not like that person is coming back to you! It's time to let go and move on. Don't let the past clouded your judgement. The past experience makes you stronger and prepares you for what's coming next! If you let yourself caught up with the past, you won't be able to see those who really cares about you even if he/she is only right next to you! Do you want to miss that opportunity to someone who abandoned you? You deserved better than this. Look at the bright side, maybe the breakup is meant to happen in order to bring you to a better someone who really matters!". My mind argued "I cant let go. That person meant everything to me!" and the mind replies "Don't misunderstand me! Of course you can hold on to the sweet memories of that person because it's part of us. You cant just erase that person from our memories and act that nothing ever happened! when I said let go, I meant it's time for you to slowly open up for those that really cares about you to slip in and letting go of the person who don't deserve to be with you! Be strong and it's time for you to move on into the unknown future instead of clinging onto the past. Go with the flow!". At that moment, my heart started to think and everything the mind said is true. I wanted to believe that there is someone better out there. And I braced myself to slowly took charge of my life and tried to move on forward towards a better future instead of being held back by the past! I made it. How about you? Don't you think it's your turn now? Don't give up no matter what you do! ^^

Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationship hurts and break the heart a lot of people around the world. Mine too. My relationship entered long distance after I completed my uni life. Like every other couples, before we got separated, we gave one another encouragement- our love will last forever and long distance won't break us. The relationship then entered long distance and the first few months was the hardest as we got use being together. We called, chat and showed concerned over one another. After adapting to the long distance relationship, I think it's not so bad and kinda enjoyable to be in this relationship as it shows how strong our love is. No matter how alone I felt when I was not with her, the sweet memories of us together kept me going. I thought this would last forever and that our love will conquer everything but it's not the happy ending that I want it to be. As months went by, our relationship started to shake. In our seventh month of long distance, things started to change. I can really feel the difference in her and wondered what's with the change? Her concern for me became lesser and lesser and when I shared something or problems about my life to her, all I got was a simple reply as compared to the detailed response from her. Her simple reply feels as if it's a reply from a normal friend. She no longer cares if I call her or not. It's like she's living in another world..further and further apart from me! I tried my best to held on and told me that everything will be ok soon but I was wrong. As days went by, everything started crumbling away slowly. Finally during our 13 months of long distance, her words shattered my heart. She said 'Since things had gone this way and we have fallen apart to this long distance relationship, let's break up. I can't stand and don't want to be in this kind of relationship anymore. I don't think long distance relationship will last. It always failed in the end' and there was no second thoughts in her mind. I can hear from her voice that she really meant what she said. After a moment of pause she then continued 'Please respect me and let me go. I had make my decision. Once we broke up, I want you to promise me that we wont keep in touch with one another in any possible ways. It's easier for us that way. I wished you all the best in your life'. I respected her decision and let her go even though I don't accept this kind of reason. Her words that night were like thousand knives stabbing into my heart. It hurts badly as if piece by piece of my heart is being smashed into tiny pieces. I kept hoping that it was just a bad dream and when I wake up,things will be back to the way it was again but that was a naive thinking. I began to questioned our love..where's the 'love you forever' part that we used to say to one another? what happened to all the promises and wishes we made? what happened to the future that we always talked and dream about? were they all just empty and sweet words? where's the sweet memories of us together gone to? In a blind of an eye, all those 2 years we spent together gone just like that. What did I struggled for during the period of the long distance? No matter how lonely I felt and how badly I want you to be by my side, I kept myself going on by clinging onto the sweet memories of us together. I learned that long distance relationship really is a test to both sides..if either one side shakes, it all crumbles down no matter how tight the other party hold on! Honestly, I don't accept the reason of breakup as long distances or time zone issues because I think they are just excuses. I believe that long distance or time zone difference issues are just invisible barriers made up by the mind which creates the illusion that something is holding back or blocking the relationship from going on. Control your mind and no matter how hard it is, you will still prevail. True love doesn't care how far you are, how different the time zone is, how poor you are, how imperfect you are because if you really love someone from the bottom of your heart, every part of the person is truly beautiful and that person will always be in your heart and mind. Don't you agree? ^^

4 years of life journey (2010 - now)

Hey there. It's been a long time since I last blogged about anything. Heck,I even forgot that I have a blog until my friend mentioned it to me! Hmmm, it's been quite sometime but I think maybe I'll start to blog again. Anyway, let's get u updated about my life. People might either say that life is good or life is cruel but for me,it's a combination of both. It's just how life works. You'll have a good time and then there's the harsh and downtime too. I finally graduated from University Tunku Abdul Rahman(UTAR) on Oct 2012 earning myself a Bachelor Degree in English Language. Yay! Come on, clap ur hands! LOL. I later on applying my first job as a teacher. An English teacher to be exact. I wanted to slowly climb up and gained experience so I started of applying for jobs as a tuition teacher. I landed my first job as a Cambridge English tuition teacher. I began to work from December 2012. After gaining enough experience, I felt that Im ready to take the next step..so I resigned on end of Jan 2014 and applied for a job as a school teacher. As I don't have a teacher's certificate, I cant be a teacher at the government school. Therefore, international and private schools are my only choices. I got a job as an English teacher at a Private School in Malacca and started to work on March 2014. I worked there for a few months and started to think if being a teacher is the right choice for me. I can work as a teacher but I do not enjoy doing it. Teaching the same topic to a few classes every week feels like doing the same routine over and over again. I had nothing new to learn. No new experience to explore. I felt as if there's better things that I can do than being a teacher. Therefore I decided to quit becoming a teacher to try out something else. I resigned on June 2014 and somehow managed to get another job. I started to work as a Global Account Executive on 4th Aug 2014 and currently still working there. Lazy to describe what my job is about so you gotta imagine it. LOL! Then there's the love life. Well, there's not much to tell anyway except heartbreak and sadness. The first girl betrayed me and treated me only as a substitute of her boyfriend at her hometown and the second girl was a playgirl who cheated me in the end. Haiz. As for the third girl, she coupled with me for a few years. I thought she's the right one and will always be with me but in the end, I was proved to be wrong. We coupled for 3 years and just in a blink of an eye, we broke up. Mainly because of the far/long distance between us after being separated when our university's period ends. I will write more about this in my next post sharing you my emotion and thoughts regarding this. Finally is the misfortunes that falls on me and my family. Let's start of with me. Well, I was involved in a motor accident on Feb 2012. I was riding my motorbike on the main road when a stupid car suddenly turned right into the junction across the main road which caused me to directly crashed head-on to the side of his car. The memories of the accident are still intact in my mind. I remembered every single moment that happened during the accident which caused me to broke my wrist. I had to undergo a surgery for it. Again, more on that in my next post. Now let's move on to my family. Unfortunately, on November 2013, my dad's been diagnosed with cancer. A colon cancer and out of the 4 stages of cancer, he ended up in stage 3! It was a devastating moment for the whole family that time. Dad was so scared and mom had this worried face. Seeing them this way makes me really sad and there's nothing I can do about it but to support them and pray. Dad undergo an operation to take out the cancer cell and even after the surgery, his chances to live within 5 years is only 48% as the cancer cell already spread into his livers. Yea, life is cruel and unfair but every cloud has a silver lining. Dad's chances to live within 5 years will be increased to 62% if he went for chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Currently he's completed all 8 of his chemotherapy treatments and is waiting to undergo his radiotherapy treatment in two weeks time. The radiotherapy will take 6 weeks to complete. Yea, even if he completed all his chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments, there's still that 38% chance of not surviving and the chance that the cancer cells spreading more quickly. I wish I could at least do something about it but I can't. All I can do is to support him and pray that everything is gonna be alright. I want him to live longer and if possible forever but I know it's impossible. I want him to be there when I get married in the future, I want him to be able to hold my first-born child, I want him to be called a grandfather and above all, I want him to be happy. I love my parents so much. Ok, enough mumbling about my life. Guess that's all for now. The next few posts will be emo ones sharing my feelings and thoughts. As for now, it's THE END.